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I am now living the life that I want.

For forty years, I let my insecurities and fears control my life.

Writing and owning my own business have been life-long dreams of mine. Beyond the emotional aspect, I had other reasons that made me push that dream aside. I had kids in childcare, my kids were under my health insurance, and my husband’s job as a union plumber came with unpredictable layoffs

When my husband got a stable job at a school district I no longer had any excuses. His new job paid well and they provided excellent health benefits for the entire family. Our girls were also now in school full-time, we had no debt, we could pay the mortgage on his salary and we had a fully-funded emergency fund. Losing an income would have an impact, but we were confident that we would be okay for at least 6 months to a year.

The first two weeks after I resigned felt weird. Usually, when I’m off work I am traveling or doing something with my kids. This time I was home. I had nowhere to go and no plans. It took me a few weeks to create some sort of rhythm.

About two months after I resigned someone asked me if I had regretted quitting my job. I quickly answered no. Then I smiled. I realized at that moment that it didn’t feel weird anymore. I wake up every day excited to work on my business. I had found my purpose.

The three things I feel often since I resigned are:

1. Free

The feeling of freedom has no price. Even though I am working harder than ever I know that I can do whatever I want anytime I want. That is a feeling I can’t describe.

Prior to resigning I was always stressed out. Even when I was on vacation, I couldn’t fully relax because I knew that work was going to be there once I returned home. Mind you, I loved my job and my coworkers, but when you aren’t living an authentic life, you can’t be happy.

2. Happy

Ever since I was in high school I dreamt of writing and being self-employed. I was a very average writer (still am), but that never discouraged me. Putting my writing in public for the world to see was the scariest thought. I would be the most vulnerable I have ever been in my life. Writing is a very personal practice. Even if you are writing fiction, there is always some truth in your work.

But I had a decision to make. Stay at my job and continue to be miserable or take a leap of faith.

Eventually, I started the blog, took the financial coaching certification course, and most recently I became certified in life coaching.

Being vulnerable and doing what it takes to make my business succeed has given me the courage to do the same in all aspects of my life. There is only room for what makes me happy now and it gets easier every day. It feels good to be in the moment and laugh often and loud. I had lost that in the demands that working for someone else brings.

3. Confident

Knowing that facing my fears would lead to amazing outcomes in all aspects of my life, I just wish I would have been braver sooner. However, it wasn’t my time. At this point in my life, I have the knowledge, experience, and confidence that it takes to be successful in anything that I want to pursue. If I end up not being successful, I will still feel like a winner. I won’t regret having tried to do the things that I have dreamed of doing my whole life.

In your 40’s you have people depending on you financially and emotionally. It is not easy leaving a stable income, but I am here to say that it can be done. As stated earlier, you have a choice to make. Once you make your choice, make your plan.

Every year it’s the same old thing. Didn’t save enough for all of the gifts I needed to buy. People taking too long to let you know what they want and then you over pay and stress about it arriving on time. You believe that everyone in your family needs 6 gifts each.

I know, I say it all the time, but this year will be different. Moving forward, if you are on my Christmas list, I should know you well enough to be able to figure out what you like on my own. That way if I am out, and I see something that reminds me of you I can buy it, instead of waiting for your list. 

Some people have given up on gift giving all together, in order to stick to their minimalist lifestyle. Although I consider myself somewhat of a minimalist, that is not me. I enjoy receiving and giving gifts. 

Knowing that I love to give gifts and visit with people during the holiday season, I started saving early. At the end of the 2020 holiday season, I calculated how much I spent in order to plan for 2021. Of course, the number is probably going to be off because we were in a pandemic! However, I still bought gifts for our regulars and did see some people. I divided that number by 12 and created a sinking fund just for Christmas. This fund includes spending for all gifts and a special decoration for our front yard. 

I feel that Christmas decorations could be their own fund.

I’m ready for this year. I’m excited to try my new system. 

Here are the 3 things that I will not be doing this year in order to have a less stressful holiday season. 

These are all new things. I’m excited to reflect on the outcome after the holiday’s and see what I want to carry over to next year. 

1. Not asking what people want. 

If I am getting you a gift then I hope that I know you well enough to be able to figure something out. If people want to tell me, I will let them know if they need to keep giving me suggestions based on my budget. 

2. Not pulling money from other accounts to fund gifting incase I go over budget

I am not going over budget. I’m going to try to do secret santa’s with my family. Those are good for two reasons. You don’t have to buy a lot of gifts and you can actually get people what they want. 

3. Not Shopping in December. 

I will be done shopping by the end of November. I would like to be done before Thanksgiving, but we usually do Secret Santa at Thanksgiving.

I want to enjoy seeing  wrapped gifts under the Christmas tree for a few weeks instead of a few days. 

These 3 things usually cause me a lot of stress. 

The holidays are for fun, connecting with loved ones and eating. I don’t want to be worried about my wallet or my mental health during this time. 

What is your plan for a stress free holiday season?

Merging money requires two people to compromise, communicate, work towards a common goal and be accountable. When you think about the qualities of successful relationships, I would say these are all factors. So why are people so hesitant to combine their finances if the pros outweigh the cons?

Reasons given for keeping money apart in relationships include: lack of trust in how the other handles money, not feeling secure in the relationship, someone not wanting to let go of the control over their money or not wanting to feel restricted.

Some of those sound like reasons to question the relationship. 

How to get started talking about money with your partner?

Start with safe questions. What do we value as a family? What financial goals do you have as individuals? What do you want our future to look like? In 5, 10,15 years? What makes you stress out about money? Look for similarities and turn two lists into one. 

Next, you want to talk about the B word. Budget. What monthly bills do we have? What are bills that we know happen less often but within the year? I.e. car registration, car insurance, home maintenance, medical expenses and car maintenance. You can ask, “How will we be prepared to pay for those things with cash?”

Lastly, you want to talk about money rules for your relationship. When do you need to talk to each other before spending more than a certain amount? Do you need to share money that has been earned as part of a side hustle? Think about your money fears and bring up topics that will put you at ease. 

Lastly, decide roles for each other. What will you do together when it comes to money and who will take the lead in other areas. For example, who will take the lead on creating the monthly budget? Who will open the accounts for the Emergency fund, Sinking Funds and Joint Checking accounts? How often will you meet to talk about money?

Bringing money together.

You have two options here.

1. No individual accounts. Create all joint accounts. Each persons income will be directly deposited into one joint account. There will still be the separate accounts for those items discussed earlier, but everything will be under both names. 

2. Have individual accounts for personal expenses and joint accounts for bills and savings. Person’s income is deposited into their personal checking account. Decide how much each person needs to contribute based on their income. The amount agreed upon needs to not only be for the joint checking account, but the other accounts that you agree to have as well (sinking funds, emergency fund etc…). Whatever is left in the person’s individual account is for them to use at their discretion. 

You are ready.

Schedule a date with your partner in a neutral environment; coffee shop, brewery, picnic at park etc… Start asking the questions. Listen to each other. Look at the pro’s and con’s and decide which option is best for your family. You are not giving anything up by combining finances. Instead you are creating a stronger bond between you and your partner. Don’t worry if you have different spending habits. Yours aren’t necessarily better than theirs. A compromise will be made and it will be good for both parties.

I’m sure you have heard that there is good and bad debt. 

It’s true. 

Debt that adds value to your life is considered good debt. Examples include a mortgage, student loans, business loans. These are all items that should increase in value over time. 

Debt that is not considered an asset is called bad debt. Examples include personal loans, high interest credit card debt and car loans. High interest credit cards are the hardest to get rid of. The monthly interest charged for not paying off your credit cards on a monthly basis is so high that it could take a long time to pay off even a small balance. 

For example: 

The average American credit card debt among all age groups is $4,392. At a rate of 16% and paying $250 a month toward the debt, it will take 21 months to pay off. The amount of interest paid is $645. So, in addition to taking a long time to pay off you are also paying more than your original balance. New balance with interest is $5,037. 

It is considered bad debt because you are paying more for a product that is most likely going down in value. While with good debt, you are paying for something that is increasing in value over time. Making your product worth more in the long run. 

Having bad debt can make you feel like you are stuck. Unable to feel the freedom to make big changes in your life. There really is no way around bad debt. Best case scenario is that you can settle with your collector’s, but you would have to go in with a reasonable amount to offer. For example, if you owe $10,000 perhaps you can offer your collectors $5,000 to clear your debt. 

Instead of using bad credit to make purchases, do this. 

1. Budget: A strong monthly budget will have money allocated for all areas that you rely on monthly. Best practice is to track your spending for at least two months prior to creating your budget so that you can get an average amount for each category. Remember home budgets are meant to change often. That’s why it is recommended to budget monthly vs. weekly or yearly. 

2. Sinking Funds: These funds are created for items that you know are coming up. They are not for monthly bills. These funds are usually held in high yield savings accounts where they can earn interest as you build them. Some sinking funds can be for holidays, car maintenance, insurance, home maintenance and repairs, medical bills and vacations. 

Ally Bank is a great bank for sinking funds. They are an FDIC online bank that offers high yield savings accounts with the option of having buckets. You have your main account, which can be your emergency fund and then you have your buckets under that large account. You can automate payments to each bucket separately from the main account as often as you like. The difference between this bank and your regular bank is that they have higher interest rates and no fees. 

You can also have sinking funds outside of the bank. You can have an envelope system that works perfectly for this purpose.

3. Emergency Fund: Having a fully-funded emergency fund can provide you with the freedom necessary to make a drastic change in your life or to pay for a big expense that you were not expecting. It is recommended that you have at least 6 months of basic living expenses saved.

Be open to living a life without bad debt. I can only guarantee that you will feel like a weight has been lifted. Your outlook on life will be more positive knowing that you have things in place to handle any emergency that comes your way. Lastly, when you have no bad debt, you have choices and time. 

Reference: www.cnbc.com

Sound Familiar? 

Organizing Consultant, Marie Kondo says, “only keep what brings you joy” in order to have a happy and peaceful home. 

I’m here to say, only spend on what brings you joy for a similar outcome. 

Many times we focus on one extreme. Either you spend on everything or you spend on nothing. Neither of those is joy-inducing. 

These days, spending money has become as impossible to resist as eating sugar. Opportunities are everywhere, especially in the comfort of our homes. You merely have to have a phone and/or computer to spend a lot of money in less than 5 minutes. 

Take time every few months to reassess your life and identify what things associated with money bring you joy? Is it spending money on good quality food? Education? Staying in hotels? Your children’s development in a specific area like a sport? Good quality clothing? Things that make your life easier like a house cleaner, chef, gardener? 

Next, take a look at your spending habits and ask yourself if you are living authentically. 

By that, I mean, are you budgeting for these joyful experiences/things?

When working on your budget, be intentional with how you delegate your money. Make sure that you have categories for the items that bring you joy. Maybe you love to travel. That won’t necessarily be part of your monthly spending, but you can create a sinking fund for that item. You can put money aside each month in a separate account for traveling. 

When you highlight things that bring you joy in your budget, you will find that you reduce your spending in other areas that do not matter so much to you. 

For example, let’s say that someone’s budget is $3,000 per month. 

They love to splurge on clothes, shoes and socializing. 

Their budget would look something like this:

Mortgage/Rent: $900

Transportation: $400

Utilities: $300

Insurance: $200

Food: $450

Saving/Debt/Investing: $300

Shopping: $250

Entertainment: $250 

Education: $50 

Self-care: $50

Toiletries:$50

Eating out: $100

Giving: $100

You can’t have it all to a certain extent. We all must make choices when it comes to budgeting our money. In this case, this person is prioritizing what brings them joy by having them up towards the top of their budget. In addition, notice they included 10% of their income to saving/investing or debt. If there is a lot of debt, this number may completely throw off the budget. That is fine. Adjust your numbers accordingly. 

Try it.

Make a list of what you love to buy and do. 

Create a budget with these categories included.

Make sure to pay yourself first by allocating at least 10% of your monthly budget towards your debt, savings and/or investing. 

There is always room for what matters to you. If not, then increase your income, cut back more in other areas. Remember the three areas that can make or break your budget are: Transportation, Housing and Food. 

Happy Spending.